a while

kept hearing myself in my head
that i would speak to you more
kept telling myself in my heart
that i should listen to you more

but the most i can say to you now
is not even a word, but this letter
are these words enough for you
to know that the longing stays the same

and i'm scared to death of this strange
this awkward comfort of being lost
of not knowing how or where to take these steps
that you took before me

you didnt even walk, you ran
ran an unseeable distance ahead
but not so that you could lose me
but so that you could find me

you ran to that hollow altar
that place where i thought deed meant safety
and instead of closing the curtain
you opened it up

because you became the deed, you became the work
that i couldnt bring before
and now, though still wandering in this light
i never roam outside of you

i may refuse to enter, refuse to walk in
my spirit wants in, my flesh wants out
so break my knees and brittle these bones
so i can learn to fall and tumble into you